How many times have you said yes when you really wanted to say no?
Maybe it was a favor for a friend, or an extra project for a client outside your scope, or yet another volunteer activity at your kids’ school you felt obligated to join. Because, if all the other moms can do it, you should too, right?
You don’t want to disappoint anyone, and the guilt that bubbles up when you do say “no” feels like it’s stuck in your throat.
Saying “yes” to everything can come at a high cost, though. When you say yes to things you don’t actually want to do, you’re giving away pieces of your energy, your time, and your mental bandwidth.
On the other hand, saying “no” doesn’t make you a bad person.
In fact, it might just be the light-switch moment to living a life and running a business that feels good instead of constantly draining you. So let’s talk about why it’s so hard to say no, why it matters so much, and how you can stop feeling guilty for protecting your time.
The Slippery Slope of Saying Yes to Everything
When we say yes to everything, we set ourselves up for resentment, burnout, frustration, and even anger.
Not many people talk about how damaging this can be as a business owner, but it’s real.
For moms who run businesses, this issue becomes even more complicated. We’re pulled in so many directions, whether it’s opening snacks, attending one more meeting, or handling a tantrum over the wrong cup. IYKYK.
And because we want to belong, to be seen, and understood, we find ourselves saying yes far more than we should.
The thing is, when you’re stretched thin by constant yeses, you’re not serving anyone, least of all yourself. Your business starts to suffer, your family gets a less engaged version of you, and you end up feeling completely disconnected from the things that actually matter.
Yes, it’s hard to break this pattern, but if you want a life that feels good and a business that doesn’t drain you, you need to cut the lies you tell yourself with the truths about saying “No”:
“No” is a complete sentence.
Saying no isn’t selfish, it’s self-preserving.
People-pleasing is displeasing yourself.
"No" is Enough: Setting Boundaries Matters
“No.” is a complete sentence – and a powerful one at that.
But, what if someone asks why?
You don’t need to justify or explain yourself.
When you say “no,” you’re not just declining a request; you’re asserting your right to prioritize your own well-being and values. It’s a powerful statement that can pave the way for healthier relationships and a more balanced life.
I remember working with a client who struggled with this concept in The Freedom Collective. She was always taking on a million things, from extra projects at work to social obligations that drained her energy. It was exhausting for her.
When we began to explore the idea of setting boundaries, she saw the benefit of how saying “no” actually allowed her to prioritize what truly mattered to her (that’s on having accountability too!).
Every time you say “no” to something that doesn’t serve you, you’re saying “yes” to something that does, whether it’s your personal time, a passion project, or simply the space to breathe. Setting boundaries is necessary for your well-being, your relationships, and your success.
Growing up, we were taught not to be selfish. We’re taught to be agreeable, to always make time for others.
But what does selfishness really mean? It’s not about lacking compassion or empathy. We can make decisions that are best for us, without being harmful to others. Sure, people may not always like it, but that doesn’t mean we’re in the wrong.
“It’s not selfish to protect your time and energy. It’s essential. You can’t pour from an empty cup, and you definitely can’t run a business or lead a family when you’re constantly depleted.”
Sometimes, saying no to someone – whether it’s a client asking for something outside of your scope or a family member making a big request – might upset them.
But here’s the kicker: no one’s going to die from hearing it.
We need to stop escalating situations in our minds to life-or-death scenarios just because we’re afraid of confrontation. People won’t stop loving or respecting you just because you set boundaries. In fact, they’ll often respect you more because they see you value yourself enough to say no.
People-Pleasing: Born Out of Fear, Not Kindness
People-pleasing is more about us than it is about the people we’re trying to please.
When we say yes to avoid feeling bad or to prevent others from being upset, it’s not really for them – it’s for us.
Why?
It’s a self-protection mechanism.
We’re trying to avoid the discomfort that comes with saying no. We’re trying to protect ourselves from feeling bad, guilty, or rejected.
Think about it: When you agree to something you don’t want to do, are you really doing it for the other person, or are you doing it to avoid an uncomfortable conversation or potential conflict? Most of the time, it’s the latter. People-pleasing is a way of keeping ourselves comfortable, even if it means betraying our own needs in the process.
“Saying no doesn’t always feel good in the moment, but the long-term benefits are undeniable. It’s a small discomfort now for a much bigger gain later.”
When you say no, it might feel uncomfortable at first. But consider the long-term gain.
For example, if you decline a meeting on a Friday afternoon, it might feel awkward at the moment, but it allows you to pick up your kids early and aligns with your values of time freedom. Shoot, do it with your eyes closed if you have to.
The discomfort of saying no is worth it because it brings you closer to your bigger picture.
Say No, Without Guilt
Your time and energy are finite resources. You deserve to use them in ways that truly matter to you, and sometimes that means saying “no” to others so you can say yes to yourself.
The next time you’re tempted to say yes out of guilt, fear, or habit, pause. Ask yourself: Is this yes serving me, or am I just avoiding feeling uncomfortable? If the answer is to protect you, hit it back with a good ol’ “NO.”
If you need accountability and encouragement from others who understand the guilt around saying no, let’s connect. The Freedom Collective is a program designed for women in business who seek becoming a better leader and making more impact – sustainably, of course. So, book a call with me to chat, it’s totally guilt-free and cost-free!
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